Too Much of the Unexpected

Four months later and I am still in Tokyo. So much has happened since June. Everything I expected to normally happen this year sort of just all unravelled and became a mess. Maybe this is my mid thirties crisis. I don't know how else to explain the whirlwind of events that have transpired since July. My understanding of a stable relationship turned out to be just one sided. I've learned a lot about how I can hurt another person without realizing I am and all I know now is that what I think I know is really just full of shit.

I really am not good at this relationship thing. I should really call it quits but all I want in life is to find a stable partner to go through life with. I'm sad that my most recent 2 year experience is turning out to be another failed attempt. I'm thankful though for the experience and even more appreciative of all the family and friend support I have received over the past few months and continue to still get today. I guess it's time I learn to be on my own and figure out who Janet really is. It's been a long time coming. I've always jumped from one relationship to another since my twenties~ time to finally to stop and focus on figure out what I really want.

I have to admit a reason why I'm still hiding out in Japan is because it's easier to figure myself out in a city where nobody really cares a fuck about you. All my close friends and family back home all seem to have their shit figured out. Most people are in stable marriages and raising their first child, etc. It's really hard to move back and be instantly submerged in a world like that. I have to admit, I'm really just afraid. I don't know how to cope when it seems like everyone has everything figured out already. I hope I can get myself together and figure out what is next for me in life.