Adjustments

I'm starting the part of my life where I will have to learn to live on my own again. I've been so used to having Brett in my daily life that I can't imagine how I will be without him. I must stay strong because I know he's doing his best too. So begins my journal where I will talk about how it is to be a submarine wife/fiance. I've been trying to stay busy so I don't feel so lonesome but our house is so big so it just feels emptier. I really can't wait to be back in CA next week so I will have more distractions and even better, be doing real wedding planning. I wish time can fast forward and he'll be back and we can get married! Today has been tough. I started reading old emails we exchanged while he was at OCS and it was so bittersweet. And I also found some emails between my mom and I. That of course just triggered the tears. I lost the one person in my life that loves me the most and now the only other person that loves me is away for an extended period of time. I really need to stay busy and not let emotions get to me. (sigh)

Life As It Is...

Planning for a wedding has made me realize a lot about people in the wedding business. They must be the most convincing liars. Not to speak bad of anyone working in the wedding business, but they really do have to kiss your ass. I have not spoken to one vendor who has not talked me up and made me feel like I am the shit in the first five minutes of our first conversation. Props to them. I don't have it in me to do that, but I can see if the financial incentive was just too good to pass, maybe. =)

It's funny to me that the first real traditional American wedding I will be going to will be my own. I tell people that I feel like a blind person planning a wedding. Yes there are a lot of resources online and what not, but I find myself in a rut sometimes. I start stressing out... am I supposed to do this first or that other thing first? I am grateful for all my friends who I have divulged all my planning details to. Your patience and kindness, I cherish. 

So life "had" been pretty stagnant and depressing a week or so ago. After all my visitors left, I just began becoming more reclusive. I spent four days in a row watching Lost, Seasons 1-4. I know, pretty lame. I don't know why, I totally went on the extreme from being very social when people were over to a total hermit. I'm glad I recognized what was going on this week. I've started my gym regiment again and drinking my morning coffee. The weather here has become much cooler and sadly, very cloudy. I refuse to believe that the cloudy weather will make me depressed. I've been busy with errands this week and planning my trip back to LA. Been making a better effort to chat with friends online and making the occasional phone calls to brothers and friends. Again, I thank all those for listening and caring. =)

New Home

My brother, Sarah, and the baby visited this past 4th of July weekend. The fireworks they sell on the indian reservations here are crazy! We basically blew up $300 worth of sky high fireworks. The boys were going crazy, alcohol and fireworks aren't a good combo. I'm glad everybody had fun though. It was our second time having a barbecue at our house. I'm glad that our house is perfect for entertaining. 

Tonight is the first night I'm spending home alone. Luckily David and Grace will be coming up tomorrow night so I will have company until Friday when Brett gets back. So now I'm officially all moved out of California. No place to call home when I go back to visit. The living room is filled with boxes of stuff that I moved up. It's going to take me a couple days to unpack everything. When I was going through a pile of letters and cards, I found a note my mom had written me on 12/24/07, our last Christmas together. She wrote her thanks to me and her gratitude for me taking care of her. The letter was really sweet. She signed it, the mother that always loves you and she even drew a crooked smiley face. It made me so sad.

So many things are happening these days. We just bought a pool table so that's coming this Friday. I have wedding planning to do. And I can't wait to get some work coming my way and starting school eventually. 2009 has been a good year so far. Road trip from South Carolina to Connecticut. Went to Boston and New York twice. Another road trip from Connecticut to Washington. And our five year anniversary is coming up. July 18. It still feels so fun and exciting to be with Brett. 

Road Trip 2 - Day Six

Missoula, MT to Bainbridge Island, WA (500 mi)

This picture is taken from the balcony at our hotel room in Montana. Today we finally finished our trip and arrived safely in Washington. I drove through rain, snow, and windy mountain roads today. All my energy is drained. We took the ferry to get to Bainbridge Island. It was fun driving our cars on and getting out to relax for the entire 30 minute ride. Tomorrow we begin the exploration of our future home. I'm happy, tired, relieved, and excited.

Road Trip 2 - Day Five

Bismarck, ND to Missoula, MT (760 mi)

We drove for over twelve hours today!!! Brett and I had a little tiff about who could drive further so we drove into the night. It's so nice that the sun didn't set until after 8pm. The drive was the prettiest today, so many snowy mountains and the landscape was just beautiful. I never knew Montana would be so pretty. I felt pretty delirious by the time we got to our hotel room. We stayed at a crummy place in ND last night. I forgot to mention how unsafe both Brett and I felt in ND. At first I thought it was the lack of any minorities that made me feel awkward but I think it's just the environment. Dirt roads and trucker land just doesn't feel inviting. So today we decided to stay at a nicer place and we definitely feel more at home. We should be able to get to Washington by the end of tomorrow. I am so anxious to find a place and settle down. Transient life is not fun.

Road Trip 2 - Day Four

Eau Claire, WI to Bismarck, ND (518 mi)

The drive was easier today.  We ended up in North Dakota and there really isn't much to see here. Dirt roads and manufactured homes are all we see outside our hotel window. Both Brett and I actually feel a bit out of place in this town so we've decided to stay in tonight. 

Road Trip 2 - Day Three

Fremont, IN to Eau Claire, WI (490 mi)

Today has been the most tiring drive out of the three days. We hit a ridiculous amount of traffic going through Chicago. And with the time change, we were on the road for TEN HOURS! Brett and I have been feeling really sloth-like so we mustered up some energy and worked out after we got to the hotel and jumped in the jacuzzi to relax a bit. We've been staying at Hampton Inn every night so far. They are consistent in quality/comfort and of course the military discount is awesome. Brett's playing his DS now. I'm doing housing research and about to catch up on last week's 30 Rock and The Office.

Hello from Wisconsin! We hope to arrive in North Dakota tomorrow. 

Road Trip 2 - Day Two

Bloomsburg, PA to Fremont, IN (485 mi)

We drove through Pennsylvania and Ohio today before arriving in Indiana. Took several breaks throughout the drive, which works out better for me. Even though Brett and I are driving separate cars, we still managed to pass time quickly by playing 21 questions on the phone and listening to audiobooks. It was really windy in Ohio but otherwise, pretty smooth trip.  We hope to drive to Minneapolis tomorrow, that's 567 miles. Hopefully the time change from ET to CT will help. It'll be 8+ hours of clock driving but actually 9+ hours on the road.  It's a bummer that I can't really take any pictures while I'm driving. All pretty imagery is engrained in Janet's memory. 

Road Trip 2 - Day One

Groton, CT to Bloomsburg, PA (275 mi)

Brett graduated from SOBC (Submarine Officer Basic Course) today.  So our 2+ month stay at a hotel on the military base has finally come to an end!  I've officially gained 10 pounds from eating junk for two months.  I can't wait to have a kitchen and cook my own food.  So right after the ceremony we packed our cars and left Groton.  We hit all the afternoon Friday work traffic as we passed through New York and  New Jersey.  It was so pretty throughout the whole drive, so much greenery.  So now we have 2,725 miles more to drive! 

Road Trip Again

In two days I will be embarking on my second major road trip.  This trip will be longer than the previous, a whopping 3000 miles that will take at least 46 hours to drive.  The scenery will be different too.  I can't wait to explore the midwest.  It will be so nice to finally be back on the west coast.  Just knowing that I am that much closer to CA is comforting.  I've applied to two graphic design programs in the Seattle area, hopefully I get into at least one.  I'm so anxious to settle down and start working, no more excuses!

I'll be on the road when it's mother's day.  I ordered some flowers for her grave but I am very sad that I won't be able to be with my brothers on that day.  It's been over a year now and things are better.  Life definitely has moved on.  Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if my mom didn't pass away.  I hate to admit that I probably would have still been in CA.  Not that it's a bad thing, but her absence in my life has definitely allowed me the freedom to do whatever I please.  Traveling around and not having the traditional structural days that most people live by has definitely rubbed off on me.  I think people should all have the chance to just stop what they're doing and take a very long break.  It really is good for the soul.

New York & Boston

Fri 3/27 - We took the Amtrak from New London all the way down to Penn Station. The ride went by pretty fast since Brett and I were so engrossed with the movie we were watching. We checked into our hotel and began our adventures of the night. We walked quite a bit but I didn't even feel tired, probably due to the adrenaline from Janet being so happy to finally be walking around in a bustling big city. We were able to make happy hour and get some alcohol in our system before we headed out to Pacha, a club in the meatpacking district, for some house music. Food of the night was Papaya Dog.

Sat 3/28 - Most of the day was spent walking around Chinatown and Little Italy. We ate at a Chinese place in Chinatown which was meh to me, especially since I'm a firm believer that the best Chinese food in the US is still in Los Angeles. I was able to hit up Uniqlo. Nobody else wanted to shop so we barely explored Soho. Next stop was the financial district; I can now say I've seen the World Trade Center construction, Wall St, and the NYSE. Later at night we met up with other people at Flatiron Lounge for some drinks. 

Sun 3/29 - Brett and I had great plans to do a lot but I woke up not feeling well. I sent him off to buy me some Whitecastle, then we just walked around. I really wanted to goto Central Park and the MET, but this will just have to wait until our next trip. We've learned our lesson, New York does not work for large groups... it definitely is a trip we will have to go again on our own. I can't wait! =) After Brett left to go back to CT, I joined the others and went to Brooklyn to eat at Peter Luger. We went back to the city for more drinks and ended up having another late night meal before calling it a night. We ate at Blue Ribbon.. the pigeon meat was so yummy! 

Mon 3/30 - Off to Boston with my brother and Grace. It was raining upon our arrival but that did not deter us from finding our way to the hotel through the subways. It was quite an adventure. We ate at Catch of the Day, I had this unbelievable homemade black pasta with ground calamari. All of us cleaned our plates! We then headed across the street to the oldest Italian coffee shop in Boston. Then we went to visit Berklee Music School. It was such a pleasant afternoon and to top it off, we walked through the entire Newbury St on the way home. After taking a late afternoon nap, we woke up and headed out to a place with award winning clam chowder. It was so delicious but we were so full that we couldn't really do anything else.

Tue 3/31 - We woke up and headed out to Cambridge and explored Harvard. It just felt refreshing to walk on the campus. I just people watched and thought that everyone there must be geniuses. We ventured out to Newbury St again for some shopping before heading our respective ways home. 

I can't believe this weekend trip was only four nights, it felt so much longer, probably because I just came back from my two week California trip a couple days before this trip. I'm so happy that I have the freedom to travel whenever I want. 

Bundle of Joy

I arrived in LA on Thursday and the first thing I did was drive straight to the mall. I was so tired but I still mustered enough energy to shop a bit. Next order of business was to go visit my new niece! It was so nice to finally meet the new member of our family and to see my brother and Sarah as the proud new parents. I swear that I am being unbiased when I say she really is one adorable baby. I wish my mom is here to share this joy with us. I believe that somewhere she knows and is happy too. =) 

I am very glad to be back in sunny California. I know the weather may be chilly to people here but man, I'm loving it. Anything beats 20-40 degrees! 

Traveling through the Carolinas

Today we left South Carolina (forever!) to embark on our planned three day trip to Groton, Connecticut. Brett and I were so anxious to get out of SC but a lot of unfortunate events made it really difficult. Long story short, his car burst into flames and we were held back five hours before we were able to hit the road again. We have arrived at Fayetteville, North Carolina exhausted and drained. Tomorrow's drive will be better. We'll be able to meet up with the other two cars that we were originally caravan-ing with and hopefully have time to walk around Washington DC and Baltimore, Maryland. 

Freezing Times

It's been a couple months now that we've had the heater on all day at our house and it's a huge house. No wonder our electricity bill is over $200 every month. So it looks like Brett's graduation from prototype is set for February 20. Hopefully that doesn't change because I've begun organizing/packing for our move to Connecticut. For those who haven't been informed, Brett got his permanent duty station orders. We will be in Bangor, Washington for the next 3-4 years. No San Diego... only three officers got assigned there. Most of Brett's buddies got Washington so yay to that. I'm now preparing myself for the freezing cold that is the upper east side of the United States and the constant rain of the northwest part of the United States. 

The Southern Life

I started running outside of the gym this week. I can't believe I didn't sooner because it is so pretty outside. Our neighborhood is just filled with amazing homes, the types you will probably see in a Better Homes & Gardens magazine. During the runs, I find myself discovering hidden spots with awe striking views. Life, in our neighborhood at least, is truly idyllic. You see children playing in their huge lawns and dogs running free with no leashes. Everything just seems so peaceful and joyful. This is something I actually will miss when we move out of here by February or March. More adventures to come! Connecticut is our next stop for a couple months before we finally settle down to his permanent station. I'm still crossing my fingers for San Diego. 

On another note, my trip to LA for Christmas and New Years was tons of fun. Though getting sick was a downer, my spirits were still up throughout the trip. As I become more of a visitor to California, I'm beginning to grasp the reality that I will be starting a new life away from home (if we don't get San Diego, that is). It's interesting when I visit because you start to see your family and friends in a different light. If anything, I guess this is part of adulthood? Even though I had a lovely time over the holidays, I still felt sad that this is the first Christmas and New Years I'm not sharing with my mom. I really wonder what happens to you after you die. Does your personality and soul just disappear the instant your heart stops beating? (sigh) Oh, the picture is of the view opposite my mom's grave.