Adjustments

I'm starting the part of my life where I will have to learn to live on my own again. I've been so used to having Brett in my daily life that I can't imagine how I will be without him. I must stay strong because I know he's doing his best too. So begins my journal where I will talk about how it is to be a submarine wife/fiance. I've been trying to stay busy so I don't feel so lonesome but our house is so big so it just feels emptier. I really can't wait to be back in CA next week so I will have more distractions and even better, be doing real wedding planning. I wish time can fast forward and he'll be back and we can get married! Today has been tough. I started reading old emails we exchanged while he was at OCS and it was so bittersweet. And I also found some emails between my mom and I. That of course just triggered the tears. I lost the one person in my life that loves me the most and now the only other person that loves me is away for an extended period of time. I really need to stay busy and not let emotions get to me. (sigh)

Life As It Is...

Planning for a wedding has made me realize a lot about people in the wedding business. They must be the most convincing liars. Not to speak bad of anyone working in the wedding business, but they really do have to kiss your ass. I have not spoken to one vendor who has not talked me up and made me feel like I am the shit in the first five minutes of our first conversation. Props to them. I don't have it in me to do that, but I can see if the financial incentive was just too good to pass, maybe. =)

It's funny to me that the first real traditional American wedding I will be going to will be my own. I tell people that I feel like a blind person planning a wedding. Yes there are a lot of resources online and what not, but I find myself in a rut sometimes. I start stressing out... am I supposed to do this first or that other thing first? I am grateful for all my friends who I have divulged all my planning details to. Your patience and kindness, I cherish. 

So life "had" been pretty stagnant and depressing a week or so ago. After all my visitors left, I just began becoming more reclusive. I spent four days in a row watching Lost, Seasons 1-4. I know, pretty lame. I don't know why, I totally went on the extreme from being very social when people were over to a total hermit. I'm glad I recognized what was going on this week. I've started my gym regiment again and drinking my morning coffee. The weather here has become much cooler and sadly, very cloudy. I refuse to believe that the cloudy weather will make me depressed. I've been busy with errands this week and planning my trip back to LA. Been making a better effort to chat with friends online and making the occasional phone calls to brothers and friends. Again, I thank all those for listening and caring. =)